We watch... so you don't have to.

Fall '98: "Felicity"

I tried, ladies and gentlemen, I really did. I watched the premiere episode of Felicity with an open mind, pushing away all my preconceived notions of what the show was going to be like. But it was a losing battle, because my notions were exactly right.

To be perfectly honest, the only reason I agreed to watch and review the show is because Felicity herself supposedly graduated from the same high school I did. They didn't even get the school colors right on the premiere? Red and yellow? I think not. The mighty Vikings have always looked snappy in green and white.

Is Felicity a bad show? I guess not, if you're into shows where the word "feelings" is used every other sentence and there are at least a half-dozen slow-motion sequences that feature the main character walking down the street looking forlorn while Paula Cole/Sara Maclachlin/Natalie Merchant songs play in the background.

Keri Russell, Felicity her own self, was a surprise, though. All the pre-show hype focused on how she was a high-school nobody, but you take one look at Russell and you realize no one that looks like her would ever be a nobody, anywhere. But she turns out to be a damn fine actress who's got a total lack of confidence to go along with numerous awkward pauses and downshifted eyes.

This show is good for one other thing, besides Keri Russell, however. Just like it's WB sister show, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, has spawned a drinking game or two, Felicity is ripe with alcoholic possibilities. So, strictly as a public service, we here at TeeVee would like to be the first to present the Felicity drinking game:

  • One sip for every time Felicity says "um;" pauses in the middle of a sentence; looks at the ground while talking; or smiles in embarrassment.

  • One sip every time any character uses the word "feelings."

  • Two sips for every character that appears on screen wearing earth tones.

  • Felicity's best friend, Julie, is played by Amy Jo Johnson, who used to be one of the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. Whenever she shows up during a scene, everyone is to yell "Pink Power Ranger!" Three sips to whoever does it last.

  • Three sips every time the Ben character acts smug.

  • Half a can for every time the RA Noel bursts into Felicity's room.

  • Half a can for every background song performed by anyone who has appeared on the Lilith Fair tour.

  • Chug the entire time a slow-motion sequence of Felicity walking is on the screen.

Follow these rules and you'll be three sheets to the wind by the time the second commercial break rolls around.

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