We watch... so you don't have to.

Live! A Developing Story!

Bernie: CNN's Christianne Amanpour is in Baghdad monitoring the situation. Christianne, how are the spirits of the Iraqi people?

Christianne: I haven't left my hotel room this evening, but the porter who brought my food seemed very defiant.

[Phone rings in background.]

Christianne (muffled): Hello.... I said sun-dried tomatoes and honey mustard!

Bernie: Thank you, Christianne. Wolf Blitzer has an update from the White House.

Wolf: Bernie, I am standing here in front of the White House looking authoritative and well informed. But in actuality, I know nothing.

Bernie: Thank you, Wolf. I am joined by Harold Thompson, analyst and former aide for the Bush Administration. Harold, do you think this is a "Wag the Dog" situation?

Harold: I don't think it is possible, but I do think it could be interpreted as such.

Bernie: So you think it is possible?

Harold: Perhaps I haven't made myself clear. I think the problem is in the timing. I know the President had to do this. I know he could not have done this any other time, but it is unfortunate he had to do this now.

Bernie: Harold, we are now going to cut live to a press conference held by Senator Trent Lott, a critic of the President's Iraq policy...

Lott: ...While I cannot support the actions of the President, I support the troops in the field...

[Sounds of cameras clicking.]

[Cut to logo with fiery background and the words "Strike Against Iraq."]

Darth Vader: This is CNN.


[Cut to logo with fiery background and the words "Strike Against Iraq."]

Bernie: We're back. Sitting in with us is CNN correspondent Jeff Greenfield. Welcome Jeff.

Jeff: Thank you, Bernie.

Bernie: Jeff, what do you think is going on in the mind of Saddam Hussein?

Jeff: One can't really say for sure. But I think the current events have given him a lot to think about.

Bernie: Indeed. Jeff, we're going to go live to Baghdad where CNN's Christianne Amanpour is on the scene.

Christianne: Bernie?

Bernie: Yes, Christianne.

Christianne: Bernie, as you can see with our nightscope camera, not much is happening. A few moments ago I saw a man hail a taxi. And before that I saw someone walking and eating what I believe was a falafel.

Jeff: Christianne?

Christianne: Yes?

Jeff: Jeff Greenfield. Are you certain it was a falafel?

Christianne: No. But I can't rule out the possibility that he may have been eating, say, khoubiz wrapped around some chunks of lamb. But from all intents and purposes I do believe it may have been a falafel.

Bernie: Christianne, we're going to cut live to White House correspondent Wolf Blitzer for an update.

Wolf: Bernie, apparently discussions are underway over when the vote--

Bernie: Wolf, sorry I am going to have to interrupt you for an update from CNN's U.N. correspondent Richard Roth. Richard?

Richard: Bernie, I have just spoken to British ambassador--

Bernie: Richard, I'm going to have to interrupt for important developments in Baghdad. Christianne?

Christianne: Bernie, I have just spoken to Iraqi officials who have confirmed the existence of a falafel stand a few blocks away from our hotel. While I cannot give you the exact location due to Iraqi security concerns, I can tell you they are quite tasty.

Bernie: Thank you, Christianne. We are going to go live to a press conference being held by Democratic Minority Leader Dick Gephardt.

Gephardt: ....We have known that Richard Butler would submit the UNSCOM report--

Bernie: You are listening to Democratic Minority Leader Dick Gephardt, who is holding a press conference defending the timing of the President's actions against Saddam Hussein.

Gephardt: ...involved in foreign policy issues in Congress. Congressional leaders were fully briefed by the President's national security team on the--

[Cut to logo with fiery background and the words "Strike Against Iraq."]

Simba's Dad: This is CNN.


Bernie: And we're back. In breaking news, Speaker of the House Elect Bob Livingston has admitted to an adulterous affair in his past.

Jeff: Oh, come on, Bernie. Isn't this article silly enough already?

Bernie: I'm serious! Look, right here.

Jeff: Someone's playing a prank on you. There can't possibly be a war, an impeachment and the personal destruction of the next Speaker of the House all in on week.

Bernie: You must be right. Who'd sleep with Bob Livingston?


TeeVee - About Us - Archive - Where We Are Now

Got a comment? Mail us at teevee@teevee.org.

* * *