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Bernie: CNN's Christianne Amanpour is in Baghdad monitoring the situation. Christianne, how are the spirits of the Iraqi people?Christianne: I haven't left my hotel room this evening, but the porter who brought my food seemed very defiant.
[Phone rings in background.]
Christianne (muffled): Hello.... I said sun-dried tomatoes and honey mustard!
Bernie: Thank you, Christianne. Wolf Blitzer has an update from the White House.
Wolf: Bernie, I am standing here in front of the White House looking authoritative and well informed. But in actuality, I know nothing.
Bernie: Thank you, Wolf. I am joined by Harold Thompson, analyst and former aide for the Bush Administration. Harold, do you think this is a "Wag the Dog" situation?
Harold: I don't think it is possible, but I do think it could be interpreted as such.
Bernie: So you think it is possible?
Harold: Perhaps I haven't made myself clear. I think the problem is in the timing. I know the President had to do this. I know he could not have done this any other time, but it is unfortunate he had to do this now.
Bernie: Harold, we are now going to cut live to a press conference held by Senator Trent Lott, a critic of the President's Iraq policy...
Lott: ...While I cannot support the actions of the President, I support the troops in the field...
[Sounds of cameras clicking.]
[Cut to logo with fiery background and the words "Strike Against Iraq."]
Darth Vader: This is CNN.
[Commercials.]
[Cut to logo with fiery background and the words "Strike Against Iraq."]
Bernie: We're back. Sitting in with us is CNN correspondent Jeff Greenfield. Welcome Jeff.
Jeff: Thank you, Bernie.
Bernie: Jeff, what do you think is going on in the mind of Saddam Hussein?
Jeff: One can't really say for sure. But I think the current events have given him a lot to think about.
Bernie: Indeed. Jeff, we're going to go live to Baghdad where CNN's Christianne Amanpour is on the scene.
Christianne: Bernie?
Bernie: Yes, Christianne.
Christianne: Bernie, as you can see with our nightscope camera, not much is happening. A few moments ago I saw a man hail a taxi. And before that I saw someone walking and eating what I believe was a falafel.
Jeff: Christianne?
Christianne: Yes?
Jeff: Jeff Greenfield. Are you certain it was a falafel?
Christianne: No. But I can't rule out the possibility that he may have been eating, say, khoubiz wrapped around some chunks of lamb. But from all intents and purposes I do believe it may have been a falafel.
Bernie: Christianne, we're going to cut live to White House correspondent Wolf Blitzer for an update.
Wolf: Bernie, apparently discussions are underway over when the vote--
Bernie: Wolf, sorry I am going to have to interrupt you for an update from CNN's U.N. correspondent Richard Roth. Richard?
Richard: Bernie, I have just spoken to British ambassador--
Bernie: Richard, I'm going to have to interrupt for important developments in Baghdad. Christianne?
Christianne: Bernie, I have just spoken to Iraqi officials who have confirmed the existence of a falafel stand a few blocks away from our hotel. While I cannot give you the exact location due to Iraqi security concerns, I can tell you they are quite tasty.
Bernie: Thank you, Christianne. We are going to go live to a press conference being held by Democratic Minority Leader Dick Gephardt.
Gephardt: ....We have known that Richard Butler would submit the UNSCOM report--
Bernie: You are listening to Democratic Minority Leader Dick Gephardt, who is holding a press conference defending the timing of the President's actions against Saddam Hussein.
Gephardt: ...involved in foreign policy issues in Congress. Congressional leaders were fully briefed by the President's national security team on the--
[Cut to logo with fiery background and the words "Strike Against Iraq."]
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[Commercials.]
Bernie: And we're back. In breaking news, Speaker of the House Elect Bob Livingston has admitted to an adulterous affair in his past.
Jeff: Oh, come on, Bernie. Isn't this article silly enough already?
Bernie: I'm serious! Look, right here.
Jeff: Someone's playing a prank on you. There can't possibly be a war, an impeachment and the personal destruction of the next Speaker of the House all in on week.
Bernie: You must be right. Who'd sleep with Bob Livingston?
