We watch... so you don't have to.

Profiteering With Morrie

I watch ESPN's The Sports Reporters each Sunday because... well, because I'm a big, dumb, knuckle-dragging guy who is interested by sports. It's the first section of the newspaper I grab in the morning, it's one of the last things I check on before I turn in for the night. All you folks out there who can't possibly imagine that someone would be the slightest bit interested in tonight's A's-Mariners tilt when there's art and culture and fine wines and complex theories about European trade policies to discuss, I readily concede the point that I am your spiritual and intellectual equal. And if you promise to let me read the sports agate page in peace so I can find out which players the San Jose Sharks just signed, I promise that, when the revolution comes, I won't punch you in the nose.

My point is that I watch The Sports Reporters. In case you've never seen it, the show gathers together a panel of sportswriters -- mostly from the East Coast, sadly -- and features them debating the issues of the day Sam-and-Cokie-style. It's not a bad little program, even if there's too much East Coast bias, way too much Mike Lupica (what, does he live in the studio?) and too little disagreement for my taste.

Anyhow, on this Sunday's show, one of the panelists was Mitch Albom, who you may or may not recognize as a columnist for the Detroit Free-Press and who you most probably recognize as the author of Tuesdays with Morrie. That last point is not insignificant, as Sports Reporters moderator John Saunders noted in his introduction of Albom that a stage version of Tuesdays with Morrie will soon be opening off-Broadway.

A stage version. Based on the book. Which, in turn, spawned a fairly well-received TV movie starring Hank Azaria and Jack Lemmon.

And I'm thinking, Jesus, Mitch -- why not Tuesdays with Morrie action figures? Why not a talking Morrie doll that, when you pull its string, rattles off inspiring platitudes and wise aphorisms? Why not just dig up the body and see if there's any loose change in the coffin?

Or better yet, why not line up a new gig?


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