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24 Misogyny Watch: Day Two Wrap-Up

For those of you who've been playing along at home since my article earlier this year about 24's mile-wide woman-hating streak, here's a scorecard showing how all this year's characters with two X chromosomes fared in the end.

MICHELLE DESSLER: Aside from a wildly inappropriate bit of face-sucking with Tony Almeda in the middle of a national crisis, Michelle may just be the most positive female character in 24 history. She stood up to Tony and the entire CTU to help Jack Bauer when he needed it most, found the computer files that helped prevent an unjust war, and then refused to let Tony shield her from accepting the consequences for her rebellion. And she didn't cry half as much as Sydney Bristow doing it. Michelle, you rock.

KATE WARNER: If you're dumb enough to invite a passel of gun-toting criminal rednecks into your home -- and even disarm the security system for them -- please, please don't try to bribe them with Euros. Especially if they've just beaten your friend to death for looking vaguely foreign. Kate did, however, manage to talk down a jittery, gun-toting Kim with calmness and compassion. Various pieces of office furniture have proven to be more cunning and dangerous than Kim, but it's still something.

KIM BAUER: After the police were kind enough to acknowledge how ridiculous her whole murder-fugitive plot line had been, it looked like Kim might be on the road back to non-stupidity. And when her wife-murdering ex-boss cornered her, she managed to get the drop on him with admirable moxie. But with a loaded gun in her hands and the scumball semi-conscious on the floor next to her, she dissolved into a whimpering puddle and had to get some hand-holding from Daddy to put a couple of bullets in the S.O.B. I'm guessing she didn't inherit any of Jack's genes for stupendous ass-kicking.

SHERRY PALMER: A last minute change-of-heart saved Sherry from being the show's least flattering portrayal of womanhood. Despite a season full of backstabbing and demented self-importance, she walked right into the crosshairs of a sniper rifle and proceeded to bluff a crucial confession from a fairly gullible villain. On the other hand, she got involved in a nuclear terrorism plot just to get back at her ex-husband. One suspects that at least a few 24 writers have gone through really, really bad divorces.

LYNN KRESGE: When her dedication got her locked in a storage room by President Palmer's enemies, Lynn escaped with MacGyverish ingenuity, whomping her captor with a fire extinguisher for good measure. Lest she seem too smart or competent, the producers immediately knocked her down several flights of stairs, rendering her concussed, babbling and utterly helpless. Nice, fellas. Reeeeeal subtle there.

CARRIE THE EVIL ONE: Michelle's perpetually awful CTU nemesis wasn't just loathsome-- she was loathsome in a pathetic, powerless, sycophantic way. She spent most of the season's latter half tattling on Michelle and Tony like a kindergartner, with absolutely no hesitation and unrestrained glee. She attached herself lamprey-like to any available man who could secure her more power or influence. And, we learned, she seduced Michelle's brother, wrecked his family, dumped him, and drove him kind of insane. She did make it through the season with life, limb and job intact -- although in her case, that's kind of disappointing.

MARIE WARNER: Kate's psycho sister ended the season in chains, still nutty as a fruitcake, and looking like a demonically possessed Precious Moments figurine.

NAKED MANDY: The mass murderess last seen in Season One showed up in the finale, fully clothed, which I guess is two victories for her right there. That said, she, uh, kinda killed the President. Bad Mandy! Bad!

EVIL OIL COMPANY GUY'S EVIL SECRETARY: Stabbed in the back by her boss offscreen. But she was evil, so that makes it OK, right?

NINA MYERS: Wait, Nina who? Was there someone named Nina on this show?

TERRI BAUER: Still dead.


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