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The Cable Gods Have Failed Me

We've established that I'm enough of a sucker to pony up for the premium cable package, and since I'm on digital cable, that also means I get a staggering number of channels. I get approximately six different sports channels -- something I can appreciate since I think it's the solemn duty of any sports monolith to air something like the national cheerleading and dancing championships at all times, and having lots of sports channels lets the monolith fulfill this noble cause -- and intriguing Asian-language channels, and roughly twenty different iterations of the Starz Channel, which seems to be peculiarly devoted to reminding us of Alicia Witt's film career with its near-constant airings of Bongwater and Mona Lisa Smile.

Despite this bounty of riches, despite the fact that it takes me ten minutes to surf the dial even if I'm just clicking on the remote and droning, "Nope, no, seen it, hate that, no, no, no, no, never!" -- despite a cable cornucopia stuffed with channels, I am lacking one which I desperately crave. I am lacking Trio.

And I want it. Oh, how I want Trio. I want a channel devoted to "pop, culture, television." I want to watch its failed pilots, its documentaries on bad humor, its offerings that seem exquisitely tailored to my viewing tastes. I yearn to TiVo Trio all the livelong day. Well, I yearn to TiVo anything, but I believe the spouse already covered that obstacle to my happiness. This time, I'm whining about a new obstacle: Comcast's obdurate refusal to dump TBS, TNN or some other mediocre channel to give me Trio. I crave this channel, yearn for it worse than I do for VH-1 Classic, which I had previously believed would be the key to my permanent residence on the couch.

I was wrong: I do want VH-1 Classic because I live in hope of seeing Duran Duran videos back before the boys got kind of old and creepy-looking, but I want Trio more.

O, cable gods! Why hast thou left me with three channels that are airing Reign of Fire? Why?


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