We watch... so you don't have to.

'Queer Eye' - So You Don't Have To

I feel that reality TV is the only thing in the world more boring than reality itself. However, my wife (yes, it's very weird to say that) watches Queer Eye for the Straight Guy so I have caught enough bits and pieces to present you a guide to the show and save you the trouble of watching it yourself.

The premise is that a quintent of gay men hook up with an impossibly slovenly, clueless oaf and teach him how to be slightly less clueless, slovenly, and oafish, if only for a few hours. A roster of the so-called Fab 5 follows:

  • Carson: The Fashion Gay. His comic genius actually makes watching reality TV bearable. His routine is to go to the oaf's closet, mock the unattractiveness of his garments, dump them on the floor, and then take him shopping for a couple of stylish garments. The oaf now has two stylistically sound garments to offset his hundreds of ugly ones.
  • Kyan: The Grooming Gay. An excessively attractive bone thrown to the hag demographic. He criticizes the brand, variety, and organization of the oaf's "products" and buys him some much more expensive products.
  • Ted: The Food Gay. Nerds can be gay too! He handholds the oaf through one home-cooked meal, though it's clear enough that having shot his culinary wad the oaf will soon return to standing over the sink and eating cold refried beans from the can.
  • Thom: The Interior Design Gay. What he lacks in tact he makes up for in talent. He is the most useful of gays because his usually stunning redecoration of the oaf's apartment will last long after the hygeine products have run out and the two fashionable garments have become hopelessly stained with tabasco sauce.
  • Jai: The Culture Gay. I'm not exactly sure what his purpose is. I think they just wanted someone who looks like a little boy.

After the Fab 5 do their thing they release the oaf into the wild and monitor his progress via cameras placed throughout his hovel. This is invariably the most painful part of the show; the 5's dubbed-over catty remarks can't overcome the fundamental inanity of watching someone shower, groom, and engage in awkward social interactions.

My overall assessment is this: Carson needs to be given his own show or country. The rest of it I can take or leave (though I'm leaning towards leave).


TeeVee - About Us - Archive - Where We Are Now

Got a comment? Mail us at teevee@teevee.org.

* * *