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The Agony of Victory

So American Idol viewers sent Jon Peter Lewis back to Middle Earth last night. No surprise there. But the interesting thing was watching the reaction of John Stevens, the youngest living crooner in captivity, as Ryan Seacrest handed out the walking papers.

As the other two potential dumpees sweated it out, John Stevens stood there with a look of serenity on his face -- "This will all be over soon," his expression seemed to say. "I'm coming home, Grandma, and soon, it'll be you and me and Pop-Pop singing 'The Best of Perry Como' just like we used to, away from Randy Jackson's cruel, judging eyes." But then, when the boom got lowered and took out Lewis, Stevens looked stricken, weary, perhaps even a bit afraid.

That's perfectly understandable. The past three weeks have not been pleasant ones for the would-be Dean-o of the 21st Century. First, he lived to sing another week at the expense of the delightful Amy Adams, much to the dismay of the live audience. Subsequent performances have only gotten worse, fueling online speculation that he's trying to deliberately tank it for the sweet release of getting voted off.

I mean, what else is a crooned version of "Crocodile Rock," other than a thinly veiled cry for help?

So I worry about next week. I worry that, if John Stevens is trying to purposefully get booted, that he's going to start taking drastic measures -- inserting random swear words in the chorus, coming out pantsless, maybe even pulling a Last Boy Scout and opening fire on Ryan Seacrest mid-verse.

Which is reason enough to keep watching, I figure.


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