You Have 204 Serial Killers in Your Personal Network
So I was watching this week's episode of Nip/Tuck, which has slowly begun to regain its former soul-searching, squirm-inducing greatness after a frankly lousy beginning to its third season. And at the very end, this grainy flicker of a video appeared. It was a message from The Carver, the eerie doll-masked serial rapist/mutilator/occasional murderer who's been haunting the series since last season. And he was taunting me.
"I love that everyone's trying to guess who I am," he said in his creepy, electronically modulated voice -- the phrasing and cadence of which didn't exactly disguise that he's really Quentin, The Visibly Evil Doctor Who Is Also The Only Credible Suspect -- "but there's no point. I'm already ten steps ahead." And just before the spot blinked out, a URL appeared at the bottom of the screen.
Yes, The Carver's on MySpace. The serial psychopath has a buddy list. And a blog.
Don't get me wrong -- the video greeting that plays when you call up his profile is plenty spookifying, with some knowing echoes to Nosferatu, even. But I'm thinking it somewhat diminishes a serial killer's aura of menace when the dude's posting about his feelings on a site best known for giving voice to angst-ridden teens with bad hair and worse spelling.
Mood: Murderous. Drugged a guy in his house, then raped him. Then? Miller Time! Beauty's a curse on the world, y'all! Peace out!
You also learn that he's a big fan of Wally Lamb novels and According to Jim, which I suppose makes sense.
I get that Fox, which recently bought MySpace, wants to show off its new trinket. But they couldn't have given The Carver his own appropriately creepy Web site? They had to give him a MySpace profile? With a comments thread full of slack-jawed MySpacers posting bone-chilling comments like "whoa dude ur so gay"? (I like how one helpfully suggests that The Carver try having consensual sex sometime. You know, just for a change of pace.)
Still, I guess it could have been worse for The Carver. At least they didn't get him a LiveJournal.
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