We watch... so you don't have to.
America's Got a Bullet in the Brain
To: teevee@teevee.org
Date: Thu, 3 Aug 2006 14:30:36 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: "AMERICA'S GOT TALENT" TO SHOWCASE A TRUE VARIETY OF SPECIAL PERFORMANCES DURING THURSDAY'S LIVE-RESULTS SHOW
AMERICA STARES LISTLESSLY AT ITS TELEVISION
"America's Got Talent" Judge David Hasselhoff To Sing "Jump In My Car," Cirque du Soleil to Perform "ZUMANITY" and Talk Show Host/Comedian Tom Green To Make A Daring Attempt
America sobs quietly to itself.
"America's Got Talent" judge David Hasselhoff will sing his European single, "Jump in My Car" with his former "Knight Rider" co-star, "K.I.T.T." making a special appearance as well.
America, not so much in a fit of despair, but bowing to what it realizes is an inevitability, gets the gun down from the closet and puts it in its mouth.
Arguably the most daring celebrity act in tomorrow night's lineup, talk show host and comedian Tom Green will make an attempt to skate board through a ring of fire.
America blows its fucking brains out, and is at peace in the glorious silence and remove.
