12/15/2004
And To Think That I Saw It On The Internet
You've entered the weblog of Miss Kirstie Alley
Not that fat guy from "Yes Dear" who's named Mike O'Malley
But if fat's what your after, I'm big as a whale
Settle in for a bit, and I'll spin my huge tale.
Perhaps you recall me from "Summer School" with
The likes of Mark Harmon and Courtney Thorne-Smith
(If that sounds like the kind of thing you'd like to see,
It still airs twice a week over on TNT.)
I was in "Look Who's Talking" as Mom of the brat
(And parts two and three, but I don't talk of that.)
My arrival on Cheers is now hailed as the mark
Where the show had officially hurdled the shark.
Back then I was thinner and quite a bit cuter
Thanks in part to the coke I snarfed up with my hooter.
My overbooked schedule was busy as hell
There was hardly the time for my booty to swell.
But when Cheers decided to call it a day
I walked off the lot and into the buffet
I ate prime rib and pot roast and pig's feet and pie
I'd consume a whole cow without batting an eye
Veronica's Closet brought new hope for me
But the net cruelly axed it after season three.
I guess that the audience just wasn't ready
For a broad like a bear stuffed into a teddy.
So I ate
And I ate
And I ate
And I ate
Some days, for good measure, I'd ingest the plate.
The offers stopped coming, my prospects were dim,
My boyfriend ran off, for fear I'd eat him,
With no show and no man, the money was tight,
I could barely afford my ten Big Macs a night.
So I went to the doctor to staple my gut
And to get fatty tissue sucked out of my butt,
He said, "Miss, I'm sorry, please don't be upset,
But they don't make a vacuum that powerful yet."
Instead, he suggested I start up a blog
As an aid to becoming less of a fat hog
He told me to check out this TeeVeePad place
Because hands that are typing aren't stuffing my face.
Posted by ka at 1:32 PM
This page is part of TeeVeePad, a satirical site by TeeVee.org. None of the public figures in this parody are the actual authors of any of the content. All of this work is completely fictional and intended for satirical purposes. Lawsuits are unnecessary.