3/24/2005
Drinking Some More
Drunk again! Lit up like an El Paso switchboard with an epileptic operator! And hornier than a ten-point buck at a Spanish Fly salt lick. Y jole, chinga! This tequila, she is one crazy Juanita!
I haven't been this loaded since Election Night 2000. Unless you count Election Night 2004. Good times!
I just went into the bedroom, lookin' to get my Rather on. Jean was snoring loudly, her lips flapping wetly around her dentureless gums, one of her hellspawn cats staring malevolently at me with eyes aglow like a Corpus Christi sunrise. I tapped her shoulder and she snorted herself into wakefulness.
"Green-eyed lady, ocean lady," I crooned. "Soothin' every ragin' wave that comes."
"What do you want, Dan?" she croaked, like the sexiest damned bullfrog on the banks of the long and glorious Rio Grande.
"I have some important investigative reporting to do... With my microphone... On location... In your fertile crescent."
"You're drunk again, Dan. Just go to bed. We'll talk about this in the morning."
"Listen, woman!" I shouted. "Do you know who you're dealing with? I'm the guy that first reported that Kennedy was dead! I broke that story, goddammit! You'd do well to remember that. Now give up the booty!"
Like a ball from Sam Houston's trusty musket, her fist shot out from beneath the down comforter and connected with my testicles.
I hobbled back to the living room couch, feeling chastened and old. And here I will sit, until either this bottle or I am finished.
Posted by Dan Rather at 11:13 PM
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