3/21/2005
New News?
Well, I finally decided to sit down and watch the CBS evening news with Bob fucking Schieffer. A goddamn embarrassment, that's what that guy is. Where's the warm, down-home witticism? Where's the poorly masked liberal bias? Where's the forty yard stare like a walleyed Cowboys fan on his tenth can of Lone Star?
Nowhere, that's where. Just some crusty old bastard reading the headlines at you. You're not fit to fill the Dan Rather ass impression in that anchor chair, Schieffer, and you know it.
Since the news ended, I've been doing shots of Jose Cuervo that we had lying around from some or other stupid Fiesta Night Jean held with the "group." It tastes like catheter runoff from a Dallas prostate cancer patient, but it dulls the pain of knowing that my legacy is being torn asunder nightly by that shock-haired charlatan.
Whoops! Gotta go. Spongebob calls.
Posted by Dan Rather at 7:30 PM
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