California Minor League Team Folds
The Bay City Bluebirds, a minor league baseball team based in Bay City, Calif., have folded operations after just four games. Team owner Steve Bochco blamed a lack of public interest for his team’s demise.
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“While the Bay City Blues won critical acclaim for their play on the field, I guess the paying public wasn’t ready for our brand of gritty and realistic baseball,” said Bochco, adding that he was proud of the ragtag bunch of dreamers who comprised his team.
The team is folding despite several promotional stunts by Bochco that never seemed to capture the public’s imagination. Events like Singing Police Officer Night or promotions such as Show Us Your Bare Ass, Get In Free didn’t bring paying customers out to the ballpark.
Bochco isn’t allowing this setback to derail him, however; he’s purchased a Washington-based minor league hockey team called the Capitol Critters.
Positive Steroid Test Roils WrestleMania
Dave Batista’s triumph at the WrestleMania was short-lived, after the WWE announced that its Heavyweight Champion had failed a post-match test for performance enhancing drugs. The WWE immediately suspended Batista, with some calling for an asterisk to be placed next to his name in wrestling’s record book.
“If people can’t believe in the sanctity of wrestling’s record-holders then they can’t have faith in anything,” WWE commissioner Vince McMahon declared. “What are our kids to believe as John Cena comes ever closer to matching Hulk Hogan’s accomplishments? This Steroid Era is a blight on wrestling.”
The positive test is sure to spur calls for congressional hearings on the prevalence of performance enhancing drugs in popular sports such as wrestling, roller derby, and American Gladiator competitions. President Santos spent several minutes discussing the issue in last January’s State of the Union address, though no network covered it.
Former Rum-Runner Wins Daytona 500
Luke Duke, a one-time moonshiner from Hazzard County, Ga., came from behind for a surprise victory in the Daytona 500, NASCAR’s signature race.
“Whoo-eeeee,” screamed Duke in Victory Lane. “This one’s for my cousin Bo and my other cousin Daisy and my Uncle Jesse.”
Duke’s victory was not without controversy. Rosco Coltrane, a former Georgia sheriff removed from the force for rank incompetence, threatened to file a complaint with NASCAR officials, alleging chicanery. “Them Duke boys is always up to something,” Coltrane muttered to his hound, Flash.
