NEW YORK CITY, March 31 — Police say the assistance of a visiting California accountant helped them foil a gang of blue-collar thieves’ plot to rob Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger’s Central Park West penthouse.
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Amid Civilization's Ashes, A Venti Mochacchino
The skies were cloudy, the radiation levels moderate, and the cream of Cylon civilization was present in droves for the opening of the first Caprica City Starbucks.
Eugene Gurkin, 37, of Queens, was arrested Saturday on conspiracy charges. The leader of the so-called “Knights of Prosperity,” a janitor by day, had gathered a motley crew of working-class misfits, including a fellow employee, a waitress, a cab driver, a guard within Mr. Jagger’s security firm, and a college student in an attempt to rob the famous singer’s lavish penthouse apartment.
Police credited Andrew Barker, 35, of Fair Oaks, Calif., with helping them crack the case. A CPA who “occasionally moonlights” as a private detective, Mr. Barker stumbled onto the “Knights” after flying to New York to audit the books of a Jewish supply warehouse for a family friend. The would-be thieves used the warehouse, guarded part-time by co-conspirator Rockafeller Butts, 39, of Brooklyn, as their base of operations.
“Gosh, I feel kinda bad for them,” Mr. Barker said. “I mean, when you sit down and talk with them, they’re all awfully nice folks. They just chose a very poor plan for future financial security. I mean, stolen property doesn’t tend to appreciate like, say, a good solid index fund. Or even some municipal bonds.”
“I don’t know where we went wrong,” said Mr. Gurkin, who, after initially telling police that he was actually a rabbi named Yentl Glickman, confessed to plans to rob Mr. Jagger, talk-show hostess Kelly Ripa, and comedian Ray Romano. “We had matching T-shirts, and a giant picture of Mick Jagger, and everything. And we were like one week from coming up with a totally awesome secret handshake.”
Mr. Gurkin and his co-conspirators face 10 to 20 years in prison, according to Assistant D.A. Jack McCoy. “The City of New York doesn’t take kindly to thieves,” Mr. McCoy told reporters. “No matter how quirky or endearing.”
Despite his adventure, Mr. Barker said he’s enjoying his first visit to New York, and eagerly awaits the opportunity to visit the National Museum of Adding Machines. “I don’t know about Mr. Jagger,” he said, “but I expect to get a whole kit and kaboodle of satisfaction out of it.”
When informed of the would-be thieves’ arrest, Mr. Jagger yawned and informed his houseboy to peel him another grape.
