SEATTLE, Wash. — With the help of some of its leading surgeons and surgical interns, Seattle Grace Hospital today kicked off its citywide campaign to promote awareness of sexually transmitted diseases.

“Individuals with promiscuous sexual behavior and multiple partners are at particular risk for contracting STDs,” said surgical intern Dr. Meredith Grey, hastily emerging from a hospital supply closet and attempting to smooth down her disheveled hair. “True, that one-night stand you meet at the bar may seem like he could be the love of your life,” Dr. Grey said, straightening her hospital scrubs. “But remember — there are serious consequences to that sort of lifestyle.”

“Chlamydia, HPV, and many other STDs often go untreated for lack of discernible symptioms,” said Dr. Isobel Stevens, shifting uncomfortably, as if plagued by some undefined irritation. “But they can lead to serious health problems if not promptly treated. Symptoms include painful intercourse or urination, itching, fever, or unusual discharges from the affected areas. Um. Huh. Excuse me, I think I have to go to the pharmacy now. And would someone please page Dr. O’Malley for me?”

“I’m speaking from medical experience here,” said neurosurgeon Dr. Derek Shepherd. “I’m a doctor, all four of my sisters are doctors, and even my late cousin Jack was a doctor. And we all know that STDs are a much bigger problem than most people realize. It’s important to get tested regularly if you’re sexually active, and make sure to always use condoms or other forms of protection if you’re not part of a committed monogamous relationship. Anything else could prove McDisastrous.”