3/29/05
Charity Begins -- And Ends -- at Home
I was sitting at home the other day, when the doorbell rang. It was a kid selling cookies to raise money for something or another. Maybe to send her off to band camp. I don't know... I wasn't really paying attention.
"What's in it for me?" I asked her.
"What?" she said.
"I buy the cookies, and you get the money you need," I explained to her, slowly so that she could understand. "But what do I get?"
She thought for a moment. "You get cookies," she finally said.
I didn't expect her to understand, because few people are as quick-witted as me. But if I'm going to help her out, I expect to be helped out in return. And cookies? I don't find them very helpful.
Maybe, instead of giving me cookies, she could mow my lawn. Or pick up after me. Or owe me something a little later down the road. C'mon, sweetheart, make it worth my while to help you.
That's something very few people understand, and it's what separate winners like Amber and me from the rest of you: don't ever help anyone unless it helps you in return. I know people like to talk about the Good Samaritan, but did he win $1 million on a reality TV show? I don't recall reading that in The Bible.
Anyway, my conscience got the better of me, and I offered to help the girl out. I told her I would sell the cookies at a mark-up and split the profits with her 50-50. I'm only going to give her 20 percent, but she doesn't need to know that.
Also, I'm going to keep the cookies for myself.
Posted by Rob at 10:46 AM
Comments
Oh wow! I love cookies! You’re so clever, Rob! -- AmberThis page is part of TeeVeePad, a satirical site by TeeVee.org. None of the public figures in this parody are the actual authors of any of the content. All of this work is completely fictional and intended for satirical purposes. Lawsuits are unnecessary.