Money Makes The World Go ‘Round

People are always saying to me, "Boston Rob, you always seem to be one step ahead of everyone. Can you tell me how I might find that extra edge a smart guy like yourself always seems to enjoy?"

And I respond, "Have you considered bribes?"

Bribery has gotten a real bad rap, and I just don't understand why. Whether it's paying someone not to open the back door of a bus or slipping someone a little something extra to keep their mouth shut, bribes are a time-honored way of getting ahead ever since the days of ancient Rome. I simply don't understand why more people don't resort to bribery and graft if that's the only thing standing between them and what they want.

It mean, it's not like there's a law against it.

Posted by Rob at 12:01 AM on 4/1/05 | Comments (1)

The Best Advice You’ll Ever Get

Rob asked me if I would take care of today's post by listing some of my tips for succeeding at whatever you try. I told him, "Anything you say, Rob!" so here goes.




Do whatever Rob tells you.

The end.

Posted by Amber at 4:02 AM on 3/31/05 | Comments (0)

Charity Begins -- And Ends -- at Home

I was sitting at home the other day, when the doorbell rang. It was a kid selling cookies to raise money for something or another. Maybe to send her off to band camp. I don't know... I wasn't really paying attention.

"What's in it for me?" I asked her.

"What?" she said.

"I buy the cookies, and you get the money you need," I explained to her, slowly so that she could understand. "But what do I get?"

She thought for a moment. "You get cookies," she finally said.

I didn't expect her to understand, because few people are as quick-witted as me. But if I'm going to help her out, I expect to be helped out in return. And cookies? I don't find them very helpful.

Maybe, instead of giving me cookies, she could mow my lawn. Or pick up after me. Or owe me something a little later down the road. C'mon, sweetheart, make it worth my while to help you.

That's something very few people understand, and it's what separate winners like Amber and me from the rest of you: don't ever help anyone unless it helps you in return. I know people like to talk about the Good Samaritan, but did he win $1 million on a reality TV show? I don't recall reading that in The Bible.

Anyway, my conscience got the better of me, and I offered to help the girl out. I told her I would sell the cookies at a mark-up and split the profits with her 50-50. I'm only going to give her 20 percent, but she doesn't need to know that.

Also, I'm going to keep the cookies for myself.

Posted by Rob at 10:46 AM on 3/29/05 | Comments (1)

You CAN Always Get What You Want

It's great being a celebrity. People drop whatever they're doing to help you. They do things for you they wouldn't think about doing for ordinary people. And they don't ask for anything in return, other than to bask in the warm glow of your fame. Who knows? Maybe some of it will rub off on them.

I mean, it's not likely. But why ruin their illusions?

I can't count how many times being famous has paid off for me and Amber, while people aren't famous have to get by on their own. So that's another key step to success -- use your fame to convince other people to do stuff for you. It's a real time-saver!

What's that? You're not famous? Well, that's hardly my problem, is it?

Posted by Rob at 12:25 PM on 3/22/05 | Comments (1)

Quitting: The New Achieving

I want to say a few words to the kids out there.

Kids: some times in life your going to be faced with a task that seems really hard -- impossible, even. Maybe it will be your homework or a chore you do around the house or some sort of project you have to complete. You'll approach that task and think, "There's no way I'm going to be able to do this." And it will seem like all is lost.

My advice to you, kids, when you face seemingly impossible challenges is this: quit.

That's right -- quit. Just don't do it.

Oh sure, you may get slapped with some phony baloney penalty. But penalties can be overcome. And really, what's the worst they're going to do to you? Throw you in prison? Fire you? Kick you off The Amazing Race when you're the only reason people are tuning in? Not likely, kids.

I know you hear things like "Quitters never win." You know what Amber and I call that? Loser talk. When those dopey Amazing Race people wanted me to eat four pounds of meat, do you think I did that? Nope -- I quit. I quit like a Frenchman starring down the Luftwaffe. And do you know what happened to me, the very next episode? I won a trip to London.

What would you rather have, kids? A sense of accomplishment for steeling yourself to meet the challenges laid down in front of you or a trip to London? Who's the winner there?*

"But Rob," you may be saying. "Won't people belittle me for quitting?" Well, sure -- if you're bald and dumpy like those two guys who owned the pizza place in The Amazing Race 5. But if you're devilishly handsome like myself, people will fall all over themselves making excuses on your behalf -- particularly sad, lonely women. They're suckers when it comes to rakish charm.

And do you know what you should do if people still insist on calling you a quitter? Just tell them over and over again what a smart, skillfull strategist you are. (Don't worry -- the sad, lonely women will help!) Eventually, they'll get so tired of hearing you, they'll just shut up. And silence is almost the same thing as agreeing.

* The answer is: Rob is the winner.

Posted by Rob at 6:46 PM on 3/15/05 | Comments (1)

You Can’t Spell “Rob Wins” Without “Rob”

Hi, I'm Rob Mariano. You may remember me from such TV shows as Survivor, Survivor All-Stars, or the show I'm currently running into the ground The Amazing Race.

I've enjoyed a tremendous amount of success on each of these shows, thanks to my cunning, street smarts, savvy, and take-no-prisoners attitude. A few weeks ago, when I was reminding my fiance, Amber, how smart I am, it suddenly hit me that if I started a weblog where I told other people how smart I was, then maybe that would make them smart too. So I told Amber about how I could use a weblog to impart the secrets that have helped me not actually win the top prize on the reality shows I've appeared on. And she offered her two cents.

"Whatever you do sounds good to me, Rob," Amber said. "You're the best!"

Amber is very smart, too.

So welcome to Romber's Rules for Living -- an Internet guide to the successful habits that will propel you to the front of the pack. Just like they propelled me and Amber. In the coming weeks, I'll ofer you secrets and tips that will help you keep ahead of the competition, shame and belittle your rivals and remind people that you're the smartest person around.

Unless I happen to be around. Because I'm smarter.

Posted by Rob at 2:45 PM on 2/17/05 | Comments (1)

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